No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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