I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
