Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
