Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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