if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
BRING THE BAGELS
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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