it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
