dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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