those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
