maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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