The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
