did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
