so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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