shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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