Soap is not a condiment
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
