fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
