Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
