Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dignity is for republicans.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
