I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
