Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
