It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
