The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
