how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
