When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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