is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
