You're so nebulous sometimes
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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