Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
