party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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