i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
