I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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