Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
