allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This show inspires me to have sex in space
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
