I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me I should be a condom model.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
