Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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