definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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