No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
