I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
