I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
