He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
