When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
