I will die if light touches me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
