my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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