Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
