i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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