Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
