all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
