He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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