I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
