Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
