i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
