she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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