I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
