Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
