remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize