I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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