its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
