If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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