She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
