He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
