Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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