i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
