so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
