bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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