hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I puked a lego.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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