I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
