I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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