why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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