We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
