The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
