he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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