Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
