Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
