I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
