I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
