My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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