If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
