he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
