He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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