Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
