I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
