I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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